1) Cook a 35-pound Butterball turkey so it's just exactly the way you like it. 2) Sequester the turkey up your left sleeve. 3) Go to your in-laws' house. While waiting for dinner to be served, do lots of small aerobic exercises with your left arm; the heat will keep the turkey warm. (Try not to be too obvious. If anyone asks, tell them you have an itch.) 4) As you sit down with everyone else at the dinner table, pick up your fork with your
looked at the body with a growing disgust and horror. "This could only be the work of Cthulhu," I told Lathrop. "Look at the Cyclopean way that sandwich was eaten. Look at the non-Euclidian bullets. I'll bet anyamount of money this took place on Yog-Shoggohepth.At the light of the full moo
wasn't like he'd planned to; during the early part of the battle Sauron stayed home, presumably to watch the soaps. Unfortunately for him, those pesky Elves and Men showed up on the doorstep of the Barad-dur and refused to go away: "...Gil-galad and Elendil passed into Mordor and encompassed the stronghold of Sauron; and they laid siege to it for seven
he pushed it open, sending it creaking open on its ponderous corpulent hinges. Even the malfeasance of his memory, though, could not protect him from surprise at the sight he encountered within. A pallid arachnid, dressed in some kind of papal bustier, turned to face him. This mutant horror, closer to the size of a blimp than an ant, turned with a horrible temporal scream and faced him. It whipped back a corner of its bizarre liturgical negligee and pulled a deadly rune-covered sword from its scabbard. "Hm! No happy shindig today," he thought to himself, the single thought filling the usual vacuum of his mind. The sword swooped down and caught him a glancing blow. The horrific spider laughed with glee, but the cheer caught in its thorax as he rose, unhurt, to his feet. Thank God he was wearing his kevlar