You know, sometimes there are times when I doubt the usefulness of the 'Net. Not as an information tool, mind you; as a research and learning tool it's clearly unparalleled. No, it's the way we've begun using it for amusement that concerns me. I mean, think about it: just a handful of years ago, when we were bored or looking for excitement, we'd find something interesting to do: go out and bask in the warmth of the sun, see a good movie and lose ourselves in the experience, pursue our hobbies and our dreams, seek romance and strive to satisfy the yearnings of the heart and the thrill of human touch, join a good cause, travel, walk through green fields of grass and reflect upon life in the sunlight...
And now what do we do? Sit around alone at home with a keyboard and surf around looking for cheap laughs and a triple-X site somewhere that isn't completely exploitative and boring.
...What's the use of the Web? It's a world-wide-waste of time. You could have just installed your web-browser last week and by now already all the sites will look the same. How many little tricks can we perform with HTML and VRML and Java before we realize we're bored beyond human endurance? Haven't we all got better things we could be doing elsewhere? What the hell has happened to our humanity?
...But the web-site is already paid for, dammit, so I may as well put this up anyway. Sure, it'll still waste your time, but at least now I can go to the park.
Welcome to Flying Moose of Nargothrond! Nice to know you've got nothing better to do with your time than we do. Perhaps in time we can all go out and play Frisbee or have a picnic or some other fun thing like that. Something human. Anything to get away from this accursed monitor.
In the meantime, since you're stuck here anyway, here's a few things you might want to look at while you're here:
Most of you are probably here seeking the Tolkien Sarcasm Page: a small but dense collection of strange documents, fun activities and crackpot theories inspired by the works of J.R.R. Tolkien. If you haven't read Lord of the Rings or The Silmarillion, doubtless it will make no sense at all... but you might just enjoy it anyway.
On a somewhat less-involved note, you'll also find a few other odd amusements:
Some say truth is stranger than fiction. Others have read my fiction, which is even stranger. Which genre do you favor? Have a look at the two and see which one strikes you as more peculiar.
Most people think of "show business" as a world of bright lights and glamour. Not everyone associates it with moving big heavy objects. When you're a stagehand, though, you get a new point of view on the magic of theatre.
Which cartoon do you prefer: Rocky and Bullwinkle, or He-Man and the Masters of the Universe? Do you prefer the silly, or the serious? Myself, I think both are necessary for a good life.
If you've read all this and want to know what sort of deranged gypsy would create Flying Moose of Nargothrond, I've included some information about the webmaster to help you answer the question. But wouldn't taking a walk be more worthwhile?