What Saruman Was Really Doing

From a rec.arts.books.tolkien posting by Warren Chang <wchang-aaaaaaat-fir-dawt-fbc.com>, originally titled "ENOUGH of the GANDALF BULLSH*T!!!!". Dated 12 December 1996.

A recent poster writes:

I never knew that they [the Blue Wizards] travelled with Saruman. That's interesting. Is it possible that Saruman led them astray so that he could easier control the remaining Istari?

Pay attention, for here is the TRUTH!!!

• The "Uruk-Hai", which GanDOLT's minions claim were interbred man-orcs that pillaged Rohan under his orders, were actually part of a humanitarian project of Saruman's to "reconvert" the Orcs into peaceful, non-evil creatures. That they looked like half-men and did not fear the Sun attest to his progress on this front. Sadly, when they tried to join up with the Rohirrim to ride to Gondor, they were brutally massacred. To be fair, the Riders were not mere butchers, but were misled into the act by GanDOLT, who did not want to see Saruman succeed in so mighty a task.
  
  
• Similarly, ganDOLT roused the Ents against Saruman with clever half-truths, who in truth had never done anything to harm them. Some Orcs from Mordor had started to cut down trees and some foresters with white hats forayed occasionally on the borders of Fangorn (it was the fashion then), but these were in no way related to Saruman.
  
  
• Grima, or "Wormtongue" as ganDOLT's people unkindly called him, really did have Theoden's best interests in mind. But ganDOLT wanted Theoden out of the way so his patsy Eomer could rule in Edoras. He played on their family loyalty to get them to kick out Grima, and sent Theoden to his death at the Pelennor. Come on, sending an 80-year-old man fighting hand-to-hand in a war? Only the silver tongue and staff of ganDOLT could have had the heart to do such a thing.
  
  
• It is true that Saruman was trying to make a new Ring, but not quite as ganDOLT claimed. It was not intended to help him to become a new Sauron, but to release the Three from the One's dominion. ganDOLT did not even consider this possibility, but foolishly trusted his own ego rather than Saruman's superior Ringlore.
  
  Saruman did use a palantir to talk to Sauron but he never fell under his domination, for Saruman was too powerful for that.
  
  
• Saruman was indeed looking for the Ring but that is because he did not know where it was, since he was not invited to Elrond's council where the Quest was formed (another attempt by ganDOLT to supplant Saruman as head of the Order). He wanted to find it before Sauron did, and not knowing of the Quest to destroy the Ring, sent out some of his cleaned-up Gorcs ("Good Orcs") to see if they could find Frodo and convince him to hand it over. Saruman would have broken it apart and used its power to fuel his new non-evil Ring, and raised up Numenor and Beleriand from the Sea, restoring the grandeur of the Second Age. Alas, ganDOLT's ego ruined all this, and the Elves and Numenoreans were doomed to diminish forever.
  
  
• After the Ring was destroyed, Saruman went back to Valinor and told them about ganDOLT's meddling. The Grey Fool knew this, and knowing that he would be in hot water when he got back, took his time in returning. He also instructed his Hobbit henchmen to write in a few chapters in their history maligning Saruman. Yes! The parts about Saruman being cast from the Order and messing up the Shire are pure FICTION.
  
  The TRUTH was recorded by a few honest scribes, mainly by Gorcs who had survived the massacre and a few Dunlendings who were horrified at the massacre (quite a few Dunlendings were also killed in the atrocious frenzy), but since the only record that has come down to us is the calumnous Red Book of Westmarch, only a distorted view of events remain.

So stop bashing Saruman, and stop jocking GANDOLT!!